by Dianne Shaver. Success Development at “Entrepreneur Mind World”.
Being human means that things do not always go well. It’s easy to feel successful and happy when everything is humming along. But what do we do when things go awry? Most of us get angry at circumstances or at ourselves. “How could you be so stupid?” is not an unusual response to either small or large disasters. Or, we feel guilty or inadequate, or that we are a failure. In severe cases, suicide might be considered as an alternative to deeply hurtful feelings.
But what if there is another approach? What if we could tie the things that seem to go wrong for us to patterns that play out in our life? What if instead of blame we became interested in why this particular thing is going on. The proper question would be – “What is this teaching me?” or “Where has this or something similar happened before in my life?”
For some, the pattern would be when things are going along smoothly, the proverbial wrench gets thrown into their life. As if they don’t deserve to have things go well. Which probably started as a pattern from childhood, when at play, someone stopped them and scolded and joy turned to upset. Or any of a hundred scenarios. Or as a child being accused of something of which you had no knowledge. Those things will set up a pattern and until it gets healed it will keep repeating. Healing in this context means that the pattern is seen for what it is – something from the past that has gotten incorporated into a precise and repeating format when certain parameters are met. Once it’s recognized and understood it loses its power and does not need to keep happening. You’ve gotten the message and healed it.
There are as many patterns as there are people. What’s interesting is each person’s pattern is very precise and the circumstances have to fit. The ingredients need to be exact, although until examined they may not seem so. But they are. In fact, there is a discipline in the counseling world called Systems Theory which describes these occurrences. Families as a whole also have patterns which can be recognized and healed as well.
One pattern that’s fairly prevalent is when there is a disruption every precise number of years. For instance, someone changes careers every 10 years or a person moves every 8 years, etc. These patterns will keep repeating until there is a recognition of their origin and what the original event was. Then the “spell” is broken.
Being curious about why something repeats in our life is more productive than blaming ourself or others when things don’t go as planned. It’s the time to step back and start looking to see what circumstances keep coming up. What are the similarities each time? Then asking the question, “What can I learn from this?” “How can I use this to understand myself and my life better?” It might take some time for the answer to come, but you will find it Then it moves us out of victimhood into a position of power in our life. It means we understand ourself better.There is the added bonus that we begin to see patterns in other’s lives and we can be more compassionate because, just like us they are trying to understand and learn.
Have fun looking for your patterns and changing them.
Dianne
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